How to Deal with Borderline Personality Disorder

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The beauty of the question seems to be that it is itself borderline, indicating 'how to deal with a Borderline Personality', both as one, or to know one. This article will look at how to deal with or maintain a relationship with someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder.

Steps

Understand what the term "Borderline Personality Disorder" (BPD) means. It can be described as one or more of the following.
- Poor, or lack of control over emotions.
- Sudden changes in mood, frequently changing opinions and plans.
- Inability to maintain a normal relationship, throwing temper tantrums, arguing over insignificant events, and displaying uncontrolled anger, often for no apparent reason.
- Fear of loneliness, isolation, or a tendency to keep people away.
- Suicidal behavior, and attempts or occurrences of self-mutilation.
Recognize these signs of behavior in the person you care about or have an interest in, or may be in a relationship with, so that you can understand what may be behind these, or similar other behaviors.
Understand the causes of BPD. Research indicates that both heredity and environmental factors may be involved in the onset of BPD.
- If one person in a family has BPD, it is more likely that siblings or offspring will be more likely to become victims of this condition.
- Being raised in a dysfunctional family may contribute to BPD. Alcoholic parents, abusive parents or siblings, and poor nutrition, hygiene, and living conditions may also contribute.
- Women are considered more likely to suffer the effects of BPD, especially if they were victims of sexual abuse as children.
Know when to seek professional help with BPD. Because some of the behaviors are just completely unacceptable socially, even if you are hesitant to deal with the choice of seeking medical treatment, in the long term, it will likely be best for the person who suffers from BPD.
*If the person has intentionally hurt their self, or attempted suicide, or if they have threatened to commit suicide.
- If the person has intentionally hurt someone else, and shown no remorse or regret for their action.
- If the person suffering from BPD consistently shows lack of regard for normal social behavior to a degree where they are unable to function in work (or school) and social settings.
Deal with the BPD sufferer with patience and understanding. They suffer from a medical condition which is not their fault, and being supportive and patient will help them to live a normal, productive life.
Make friends and persons who you associate with aware of the BPD sufferer's problem, so that they can understand the cause of inappropriate behavior when the condition manifests itself. This may seem on the surface to be a breach of trust, but in the long run, these people will observe the aberrant behavior, and if they understand the underlying cause of it, they will be more likely to react with compassion and understanding.
- Encourage people who you socially interact with not to overreact to any outbursts, emotional displays, or other behavior, as the BPD sufferer may see an overreaction as an escalating factor in their behavior, which they may consider normal.
- Explain to teachers or employers or fellow employees the circumstances around any displays of emotional instability or other behavior, so that they may have a better grasp of the reason for this behavior. Even an understanding person may find it difficult to ignore serious outbursts or emotional swings, but at least they will have a warning it may be expected.
Encourage people to accept people for who they are, get to know them and come to understand why people are the way they are, and that they may have little choice the in matter. One might also discover they have legitimate reasons for the way they are and do things.
Gently reason with and point out behaviors or inappropriate activities that the BPD sufferer may be engaging in, and explain the consequences of them.
Be observant of the alcohol or drug abuse behavior. These are sometimes exhibited by BPD sufferers.
Observe dietary and hygienic habits of the BPD sufferer. They commonly overindulge in food, or eat in an unhealthy or compulsive manner, and fail to observe good hygiene.
Remember that if you have to, or want to deal with someone who is Borderline, do not play to their ideal. They will build you up and then knock you down, to prove that all their past misery has been justified.
Consider this rule of thumb in any relationship is be yourself and be honest. Even though every relationship requires compromise and consideration, and a degree of change, if others cannot accept the real you it is not going to work. In a very casual relationship one may play the counterpoint. The trick is to be the opposite of their ideal, but retain their respect and thus perhaps friendship. Playing counterpoint by argument alone won't fly. So if counterpoint isn't by living conviction a relationship may be at best difficult if not impossible.
Keep an honest perspective, especially in regard to your own needs. Develop friendships and social interactions with other people, making sure you are not sacrificing your own quality of life in your efforts to deal with someone who suffers from BPD.

Tips

Buy "Walking on Eggshells", by Randi Kreger.
If you are a relative, partner or friend consult following site and join appropriate member section www.bpdcentral.com
Consult a therapist by yourself, not a couples therapist as a borderline may use/abuse the therapy to reduce your self-esteem.
If you are the non-BPD, get advice on analyzing yourself so that you better understand your need for the relationship. Long term relationships with a person who has BPD and not in therapy may lead to depression or harm of the partner. Accept that you can only "fix" yourself and not those around you.

Warnings

Borderline Personality Disorder sufferers may cause themselves or others serious harm. In the event the potential for this harm arises, be vigilant, and take action to prevent it if you are able.
A rage can be directed at a person emotionally closest to a person with BPD. Ensure safe exit routes at all times and leave, don't challenge! Give the person with BPD time to cool off and don't be alone if/when you return. Protect yourself!

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Tuesday, August 31, 2010